


What he would miss the most

by EmmylouFreebush



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 22:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18669901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmylouFreebush/pseuds/EmmylouFreebush
Summary: Nikolai and Viktor have been best friends for years. That was until Viktor became famous and everything changed in more ways than one. As Nikolai comes to terms with the fact that he is in love with Viktor, it seems like Viktor is growing more and more fond of Hogwarts student Hermione Granger. But things aren't always what they seem...





	What he would miss the most

**Author's Note:**

> This piece will remain anonymous until the end of the contest, we would like to acknowledge that any characters, plots or locations are not they are the property of JK Rowling. 
> 
> Thank you to my alpha/beta who shall be named at the end.

 

The people aboard the ship were Durmstrang Institute’s best and brightest. The elite. The chosen few. Hand-picked by Headmaster Karkaroff to make the journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where one of them would become Durmstrang’s champion in the legendary Triwizard Tournament. Each of the twelve witches and wizards was exceptional in their own right, from the academically gifted to the star athlete. Each of them had the potential to win, and a win was exactly what Igor Karkaroff was hoping for.

 

Despite being one of the brightest students in his year, Nikolai Baryshnikov had been genuinely shocked when he had been short-listed. He had never been one of Karkaroff’s favourite students. In fact, it was safe to say the Headmaster openly despised him due to his ‘progressive’ views on interacting with and befriending muggles and muggle-born witches and wizards. He wasn’t liked much by his cohort either. A couple of years back, he was being so badly bullied that his motherconsidered transferring him to the Russian wizarding school, Koldovstoretz. As soon as he mentioned this to Viktor, though, the torment miraculously stopped. Viktor had always had a way of making things happen, or stopping them.

 

Nikolai had always admired Viktor Krum. In their early years at Durmstrang, the two were close, though neither really talked a lot. Nikolai was shy, bookish and intelligent, while Viktor was aloof and mysterious, not to mention an incredibly talented athlete. That Viktor was destined for greatness was an obvious fact. At just eighteen he was considered to be one of the best seekers in the world, helping the Bulgarian National Quidditch Team reach the final of the World Cup, where he impressed spectators by performing a Wronski Feint against the Irish seeker Lynch. Even though Bulgaria lost (by only ten points thanks to Viktor catching the golden snitch), Viktor’s playing was almost all anyone could talk about, and his popularity among the student body of Durmstrang Institute reached impressive new heights.

 

The drawback of this new found fame was the toll it took on Viktor and Nikolai’s friendship. Nikolai had done everything he could to support Viktor, from taking notes for him in the classes he missed to go to Quidditch training, to brewing Pepperup Potions to stop him getting sick and having to miss out on training. Of course he missed spending time with Viktor and often yearned for the way things used to be. But Viktor’s career made him happy, and Nikolai was grateful that, in his own way, he could be part of that.

 

Nikolai struggled to hold onto the copy of Bathilda Bagshot’s Hogwarts: A History in his lap as the ship began to rock unsteadily, indicating their ascent to the surface. He had been curious to learn more about the British school before spending the year there. The copy he had managed to find in the Durmstrang library looked a little worse for wear, but as far as he could tell it didn’t have any pages missing. He was thankful of his fluency in English, as he had not been able to find a translation in his native Russian.

 

“Baryshnikov,” Karkaroff barked at him. Nikolai snapped his eyes up to where the Headmaster was glaring at him disapprovingly. “Put the book away. We’re arriving.”

 

Nikolai snapped the book shut and braced himself for the impact of the ship’s surfacing. Beside him, holding onto a nearby beam for support was Viktor. He glanced at Nikolai, giving him a small smile that caused his heart to skip a beat. Nikolai smiled back before turning his attention back to Karkaroff as the ship came to a complete stop.

 

Karkaroff descended from the ship first, his students following suit behind him. “Dumbledore,” said the headmaster pleasantly, addressing the old man with the long white beard who awaited him with a crowd of curious kids in black robes. The famous Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Nikolai had read all about him, of course. He was considered one of the most powerful wizards in the world, having defeated the Dark Wizard, Gellert Grindelwald, in one of wizarding history’s most spectacular duels. He had also discovered twelve different uses of dragon’s blood and was accomplished in alchemy. He was the kind of wizard Nikolai Baryshnikov aspired to be, and it was almost surreal seeing him in the flesh. He looked every bit as wise and intelligent as Nikolai imagined.

 

“Dear old Hogwarts,” Karkaroff was saying to Dumbledore. “How good it is to be here.” Within moments he was singling out Viktor, parading him through the crowds of curious Hogwarts students while the rest of the Durmstrang group followed behind.

 

“That’s Viktor Krum!” someone whispered loudly.

 

“I didn’t even know he was still at school,” said another.

 

“I can’t believe I didn’t bring my quill,” a girl complained. “I hope I can get his autograph later…”

 

Karkaroff led his students into the Great Hall of the Hogwarts Castle. It was warm in comparison to Durmstrang; the fireplaces were all lit. Four long tables extended from the entrance to the front of the room, then up on a higher tier was another table facing perpendicular to the rest. The Durmstrang kids glanced around, unsure of where they should sit. A group of students in robes of fine blue silk had seated themselves at the end of one of the tables – students from the third school, Beauxbatons Academy. In the end, Viktor led the group to the table at the far end, where the students’ robes all had green and silver in their colouring amongst all the black. Some of them had begun to look up at the ceiling, interested in the way it resembled the night sky, while others took to inspecting the cutlery.

 

“Why do they wear all different colours?” Nikolai heard someone ask in a hushed voice. Linnea Lindgren, a Swedish girl with honey-blonde hair who had seated herself beside Nikolai, was eyeing the rows of Hogwarts students curiously.

 

“They divide themselves into four houses named after their four founders,” Nikolai answered involuntarily. “In first year, they’re sorted based on certain personality traits and what qualities they value. The colours they wear and the emblems on their robes are how they distinguish between houses. The table they eat and where they sleep are separated by houses as well.”

 

“Which textbook did you swallow?” Lindgren teased.

 

“Hogwarts: A History,” Nikolai said. “I was reading it on the way over.”

 

“You’re so smart, Baryshnikov.”

 

Nikolai shrugged. “I just read a lot.”

 

The staff of Hogwarts, plus Karkaroff and the head of Beauxbatons, an almost absurdly large woman by the name of Madam Olympe Maxime, entered the hall in procession and begun filling up the seats of the front table. The Beauxbatons students rose for their headmistress, ignoring the laughter of the Hogwarts kids and not resuming their seats until Maxime was seated. Only Dumbledore remained standing, encouraging everyone to eat and make themselves at home. The second he sat down, the platters on the table filled themselves with delicious looking food.

 

“Oh. thank goodness,” Lindgren muttered to herself beside him, leaping to the food almost the second it appeared. “I’m so hungry.”

 

As though on cue, Nikolai’s stomach rumbled, and he grabbed his own platter, filling it as far as he could with just about everything he could see. A moment later, a hand reached from behind him to grab one of the platters still half-filled with roasted chicken drumsticks.

 

“Kolya,” Viktor murmured softly in his ear sending an unwelcome chill down his spine. It was almost surprising to hear someone still call him by that moniker, let alone Viktor. Nikolai’s own mother didn’t even use it anymore. “Are you finished with this?”

 

Nikolai prayed silently that he was the only one who could hear his heart pounding at a million miles an hour. “Da,” hesaid quickly. Yes.

 

It was only when Viktor left that he realised he had been holding his breath.

 

“Baryshnikov,” Lindgren said, nudging his ribs. “Eat your chicken.”

 

Mortified, Nikolai picked up a piece of chicken from his plate, taking a huge bite from it. He tried not to let himself blush asLindgren chuckled almost inaudibly beside him.

 

***

 

Karkaroff approached the group of Durmstrang students the second the announcements about the Tournament were done. Immediately his attention had fallen to Viktor. “Did you eat enough? Should I send you some wine from the kitchens?” Viktor was shaking his head nonchalantly. Since becoming famous, he had almost become desensitised to the attention he got.

 

“I would like some wine, Professor,” Poliakoff said. There was a small glimmer of hope in his eyes. Well, the Headmaster had offered it to Viktor in front of everyone, so of course someone was going to try it.

 

“I wasn’t offering it to you,” Karkaroff snapped, appraising Poliakoff with a disgusted look. “I notice you have spilled food all down the front of your robes again, disgusting boy…” It was true Poliakoff was a really messy eater, but Nikolai hardly saw the need for Karkaroff to point it out loudly in front of the gathering Hogwarts crowd.

 

“Idiot,” Esa Järvinen muttered, causing some of the others to snicker. Most of the group were painfully aware that what was offered to Viktor Krum was not a privilege the rest of them were entitled to. Poliakoff, though, had never been particularly bright.

 

As the Durmstrang crowd approached the doors, a small group of Hogwarts students paused to give them leave to pass. Karkaroff was just about to lead them back to the ship when he stopped abruptly, staring at a small boy with dark hair and round glasses. Nikolai’s eyes were drawn to the small, yet pronounced scar on the boy’s forehead, which gave away his identity immediately. Harry Potter. Around him people were whispering. Poliakoff nudged Lindgren, pointing directly at Potter’s scar.

 

“You’d think none of them knew he went to this school,” Järvinen remarked to Nikolai. Nikolai merely raised his eyebrows in response.

 

“Yes, that’s Harry Potter,” a gruff voice growled at Karkaroff. A man with a heavily scarred face and one false eye which now fixated on the Durmstrang Headmaster was leaning on a sturdy looking wooden staff.

 

Karkaroff had gone ashen. It was the first time Nikolai had seen him look even remotely afraid of someone. Normally it was him instilling fear. “You,” he said.

 

“Me,” said the gruff man. “And unless you have something to say to Potter, Karkaroff, I suggest you move. You’re blocking the doorway.”

 

It wasn’t untrue. A crowd of students waited, albeit impatiently, behind the Durmstrang students. Karkaroff promptly swept away, his students following him in silence all the way back to the ship.

 

***

 

As was the expectation, all the Durmstrang students placed their name in the Goblet of Fire. Nikolai had been having second thoughts on it until Järvinen reminded him of the slim chance he actually had of being chosen. “We’re all here to be spectators when Krum wins the Cup,” he said.

 

It wasn’t untrue. Nikolai couldn’t picture the Goblet choosing anyone else but Viktor. But it was still fun to imagine what it would be like if he became the Durmstrang champion. He imagined how shocked everyone would be if he won. Especially Karkaroff. He pictured the Headmaster showering him with praise, telling him he was a credit to the Institute. And Viktor… Nikolai had gladly stood in his shadow while his career took off. Imagining being the one in the spotlight for a change was almost intimidating. Banishing the thought,Nikolai scrawled his name and school onto a piece of parchment ready to throw into the Goblet of Fire.

 

By the time the Halloween feast came around, a good handful of the Hogwarts students, as well as all the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students had placed their name in the Goblet of Fire. Non-surprisingly, the first name that was drawn was Viktor Krum’s. Karkaroff made his obvious pleasure known to the whole hall. Beauxbatons’ champion was a rather attractive French girl who all the other boys couldn’t seem to stop staring at, since she looked, at least in part, like a Veela.Fleur Delacour strode off to join Viktor as some of her fellow cohort made their disappointment well known. Some of the girls even started crying. Then the Hogwarts Champion was chosen. He was an attractive male by the name of Cedric Diggory, and his house table erupted with loud cheers as he went to join the other champions.

 

Dumbledore began sprouting words of wisdom about sportsmanship and schools cheering on their chosen champions, but before he could finish speaking the Goblet of fire began acting strangely. Sparks flew from the reddened flame before it spat out another piece of parchment and disappeared completely. Dumbledore stared at the piece of parchment for what seemed like forever before reading off it the name of an unintended fourth champion: Harry Potter.

 

***

 

Once he had located the library at Hogwarts, Nikolai spent most of his time in there. He became a well-known face to Madam Pince, the librarian, who liked him because he was quiet and treated the books with great care. A less popular figure in her eyes was Viktor, whose fangirls tended to follow him around the library, giggling loudly whenever he looked in their general direction. Seeing Viktor in the library so often struck Nikolai as odd, since back at Durmstrang he was more often outside flying and practicing quidditch manoeuvres. Occasionally, Nikolai would steal a glance towards Viktor, curious as to what he was doing since he never seemed to be reading. A few times he had caught Viktor watching him as well, but neither of them made a conscious effort to talk to the other. Back at Durmstrang, before Viktor became famous, a comfortable silence between them had been worth a thousand idle conversations. Now, there was nothing between them but empty space and the sound of Viktor Krum’s giggling fan club.

 

One of Nikolai’s favourite advanced magical subjects was alchemy, and he had found plenty of books on the subject in the library at Hogwarts. It was the night before the first task of the Triwizard Tournament, and he had been reading a particularly interesting chapter on the work of Nicolas Flamel when Viktor approached him, ending their stalemate of sideward glances and neglected conversations.

 

“Vitya,” Nikolai whispered. He felt almost cautious using his old nickname for Viktor, lest the horde of giggling fan girls pick up on it. As far as he could tell, though, Viktor was alone. “Are you alright?”

 

Viktor had a thick, hardcover book across his chest and a worried look on his face. “I need your help, Kolya,” he murmured. He set the book down on the table and pulled out the chair beside Nikolai’s. His dark eyes looked straight into Nikolai’s “What do you know about dragons?”

 

***

 

Nikolai sat down with the rest of his Durmstrang cohort in the grandstand that had been set up for the first task. Beside him was Linnea Lindgren, the girl he had sat beside at the Welcome Feast. She acknowledged his presence with a small grunt. Beside Lindgren was Darya Kovaleski, the only other girl who had made Karkaroff’s short-list. She was saying something to Lindgren, but over the din Nikolai couldn’t hear.

 

“Hej, Baryshnikov,” a voice greeted him cheerily. Jesper Eriksen, a very attractive Danish boy with striking blue eyes, had seated himself on Nikolai’s left. He offered Nikolai one of his Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, which he gratefully accepted. He regretted it almost immediately, though, as the taste of sauerkraut filled his mouth. He had never been fond of the stuff.

 

“Ah! I got a caramel one!” Eriksen said excitedly before putting the box on the seat beside him. “Have you seen Viktor today? I do hope he’s alright…”

 

Nikolai had been up with Viktor half the night. Apparently,Viktor had received a tip that the first task involved facing a dragon. Together they had looked into different breeds of dragon and their proclivities. Nikolai had also suggested to Viktor that he revise the conjunctivitis curse, as a dragon’s eyes were its weakest spot, regardless of the breed. Around midnight, Nikolai had put an end to their session, convincingViktor that the best thing for him was to get a good night’s rest.

 

The task was simple enough. They had to retrieve a golden egg from among the dragon’s real eggs. Each of the contestants would have to face a different breed of dragon.Lindgren’s eyes had lit up when she saw that one of them was a Swedish Short Snout, since they were native to her home land. There was also a Common Welsh Green, a Chinese Fireball and a Hungarian Horntail.

 

The Short Snout’s opponent was the Hogwarts champion Cedric Diggory. He attempted to distract the dragon by turning one of the rocks into a dog. It worked for a little bit, but as soon as Diggory got close, the dragon rounded on him. The crowd gasped as the short-snout breathed its fire towards Diggory, with him ducking out of the way just in time and racing to grab the egg. In the end he lost points for getting hurt.

 

Fleur Delacour tried to charm her dragon, the Welsh Green, into a sleep-like trance, which would have worked well if it hadn’t snored flames and caught her skirt on fire. Still, she got her egg.

 

Viktor was next. His dragon was a Chinese fireball, which he shot straight in the eye with the conjunctivitis curse. Nikolai cheered with the rest of his cohort as the dragon roared in frustration. The Fireball began stomping around blindly, and Nikolai immediately realised the mistake they had made. Viktor lost points for the eggs the dragon destroyed in its fit of rage, and for the dragon nearly crushing him in the process, but he still managed to get the prized golden egg, which apparently contained a vital clue that would help the champions in the second Triwizard task.

 

Last was Harry Potter, the clear underdog in the competition due to his age and ‘wild card status’. His dragon, the Hungarian Horntail, was by far the most aggressive of the lot. Potter managed to get around his dragon by summoning his Firebolt and flying around dodging and distracting the dragon until he could get close enough to get the egg. It was a brilliant tactic, and Potter’s flying even gave Viktor a run for his money. Nikolai was suitably impressed, and he sensed a lot of Potter’s Hogwarts classmates were pleasantly surprised by his ingenuity.

 

In the end, it was Potter and Krum who tied for first place (a large part due to some strategic scoring from Karkaroff) followed by Delacour and Diggory.

 

“Do you think he can win the whole thing?” Lindgren asked. “Viktor, I mean.”

 

Nikolai looked directly into her expectant gaze. If the first task was any indication of the overall result, he would have to give it to Harry Potter. But there was still a part of him that wanted to believe in Viktor, and that part of him trumped all sense of logic. “Yes,” he said confidently. “I think he can.”

 

***

 

After the hype of the first challenge died down, conversation rapidly turned to Christmas, specifically the Yule Ball on Christmas night. Halls were flooded with talk of everything ball related from the colours and styles of everyone’s dress robes to the rumours that Dumbledore had secured popular wizarding band the Weird Sisters as the night’s entertainment. The dominant topic, though, was dates.

 

“Guess who just scored a date to the Yule Ball,” Esa Järvinendrawled as he clambered into the barracks of the Durmstrang ship. Järvinen was by far the most arrogant person Nikolai had ever had the displeasure of meeting. He knew he was gifted, and he actively went out of his way to ensure everyone else knew it as well. He had always considered Nikolai his long-standing rival, since Nikolai had consistently bested him in all their subjects (except Dark Arts classes, which Nikolai actively refused to participate in). Järvinen’s ego was matched only by his temper, which burned hotter than dragon’s fire. Despite his obvious flaws, Esa was well liked amongst the student body at Durmstrang and his attractive appearance meant that he tended to be popular with the ladies. That he had gotten a date so quickly was of little surprise.

 

“I can’t imagine you’re talking about anyone but yourself,” Kovaleski said sardonically, “So, who is she?”

 

“Claudette Beaufort,” he said proudly. “From Beauxbatons. I couldn’t believe my luck. She’s the prettiest one they brought. Well, aside from Veela Girl.”

 

“I wouldn’t get too excited,” Kovaleski sneered. She was a small Belarusian girl who rarely ever smiled. “She probably only said yes because Maxime’s been encouraging them to go with people from other schools.”

 

“Who told you that?” Järvinen almost looked deflated. Likely the reaction Kovaleski had been hoping for.

 

“Emile. When he invited me.”

 

“Good for you, Dasha,” Järvinen said patronisingly. The hit Kovaleski had attempted on his ego was not very effective.“And here I thought you were going to have to end up going with Poliakoff.”

 

“Poliakoff has someone too, you know,” Kovaleski retorted, folding her arms. “One of the Hogwarts girls, I think.”

 

“Really?” Järvinen raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise.“Good for him, then.” He turned to Nikolai, then. “What about you, Baryshnikov? Asked any girls out yet?”

 

Nikolai shook his head slowly. “Not yet…” He didn’t know what else to say. He’d never had a girlfriend. Never asked out a girl in his life. Never went to parties or balls. He had never been interested in those sorts of things. If he was at Durmstrang right now he might have elected to go home for the Christmas holidays. It would have given him an effectiveexcuse to avoid the ball. But as guests, it was only proper that the students from Durmstrang attend the function, and that placed Nikolai in a very tight corner.

 

“You’d better hurry, Baryshnikov,” Järvinen taunted. “Or you might end up having to take another boy.”

 

Nikolai felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He couldn’t quite place why that comment, in particular, affected him so much.Everyone in the room sniggered at him, and Järvinen puffed up his chest imperiously, looking very proud of himself. Nikolai looked away, down at the floor so that none of them could see the furious tears forming in his eyes.

 

“At least it wouldn’t be you, Esa.”

 

Linnea Lindgren stood at the top of the stairs with her arms folded looking at Järvinen. The two of them had once been in a relationship, though you would never know it now. Nikolai was unsure as to why they broke up, but the fallout itself had been very high-profile and extremely volatile. “You’d better really impress your little French pastry, or she might see you for the bastard you are.”

 

“Why you‒” Järvinen started towards her, drawing his wand.

 

“Expelliarmus.”

 

Järvinen’s wand flew out of his hand. His face went tomato-red as the whole room chortled.

 

“Shut up,” Järvinen snapped at them.

 

“Not so funny with the shoe on the other foot, now, is it?” Lindgren sneered. Her scathing eyes then fell on Nikolai. “Baryshnikov. A word, if you please.”

 

Nikolai didn’t need a second invitation. He followed Lindgren off the ship, practically running to keep up with her.

 

“Thank you for standing up for me back there,” he saidbreathlessly when they finally stopped.

 

“Don’t mention it,” Lindgren said. Her eyes darted all over the place, as though she was checking for spies on their conversation. She sighed. “Esa is right, though. You need to get in quickly if you want to ask someone. Which is why I’m asking you before you have a chance to find anyone else.”

 

“You’re… what?”

 

“You heard me, Baryshnikov. I want you to go to the ball with me. That is, of course, if you didn’t already have someone in mind.”

 

Her bluntness caught him by surprise. “N-no… I didn’t… I‒”

 

“It’s not like I fancy you or anything,” Lindgren said abruptly. “I’d actually rather not go at all, but Karkaroff is expecting it, and if I can help it, I’d like to go with someone capable of intelligent conversation. So, do you want to go with me or not?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Thanks, Lindgren.”

 

“Call me Linnea.”

 

“Only if you call me Nikolai.”

 

They looked at each other for a long time. Linnea was an attractive girl, truth be told. She stood about a foot smaller than Nikolai, and had straight blonde hair and deep brown eyes. He was sure she would look even lovelier in her dress robes.

 

“Well, I’ll see you then,” she said before she turned on her heel. “Nikolai.”

 

“Yeah,” Nikolai agreed. “I’ll see you, Linnea.”

 

***

 

Linnea showed Nikolai her dress robes the next morningbefore accompanying him to Gladrags Wizard Wear in Hogsmeade Village for a tie that matched. In secret, he also bought her a corsage that matched the colouring of her dress perfectly. He would give it to her on the night, as a surprise.After Gladrags, they got butterbeers at a tavern called the Three Broomsticks. They got into an in-depth conversation about her tumultuous and emotionally abusive relationship with Esa Järvinen.

 

“Why did you stay so long?” Nikolai asked. “Were you in love with him?”

 

Linnea’s expression darkened slightly. “I’m not sure how to answer that. If I am telling the truth, I’m not sure that I was ever in love with him. Sure, Esa was handsome, popular and had a dominant personality, which I liked. But I don’t think I was with him so much for love as for acceptance. When someone like him asks you out, it makes you feel like you’re… desirable. I think that’s why I stayed with him, because I thought if I left him that nobody else would ever love me. He seemed to agree with that assumption, and he told me as much.” She took a sizeable swig of her butterbeer. “So, what about you, Nikolai? How long have you been in love with Viktor Krum?”

 

Nikolai’s first reaction was to deny it. “I’m not,” he said, adamantly shaking his head. “I couldn’t be…” Am I? he wondered.

 

“You don’t have to deny it to me,” Linnea said. “I saw you at the welcome feast when Viktor spoke to you. It was like you temporarily forgot that there was an entire world outside of you and him. I’d had my suspicions before that you cared for him, but that moment was when I realised it was more than just a little crush for you. You’re not just another Viktor Krum fanboy. What you feel for him is real. Am I correct?

 

The more she said, the more it made sense. “Yes,” he sighed. “You’re right.” The revelation, though, made him worry. If Linnea was so easily able to deduce his feelings for Viktor, he couldn’t help but wonder who else knew.

 

“If anyone found out about this, they could use it against Vitya,” he said quietly. A part of him felt like he could trust Linnea, but that didn’t stop him from worrying about the people he couldn’t trust. “His reputation, his career, they could be ruined because of me.”

 

“You’ve been protecting him this whole time,” Linnea murmured. “Even at the cost of your personal happiness.” For a moment, her eyes became sad, distant as she said to herself “I would give anything to be so loved.” She took another sip of butterbeer as she buried the melancholy behind a stoic face. “As far as I know I’m the only person who has realised, and for my part I intend to keep it that way. Your secret’s safe with me.”

 

Nikolai picked up his butterbeer, smiling as much as he could at Linnea. “I appreciate that. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome. I just hope that, one day, someone will love me the way that you love him.”

 

“When that day comes,” Nikolai said, raising the butterbeer in his hand as though giving a toast. “I hope you feel the same way about him.”

 

***

 

The night of the Yule Ball, Nikolai waited on the upper deck of the Durmstrang ship for Linnea to meet him. There was a slight chill in the air, but to Nikolai, who was used to harsh Russian winters, it was like a cool Spring evening. The moon would occasionally betray its glow from behind the clouds, causing the lake to shimmer.

 

“Kolya.” Viktor ascended the steps from the lower deck. He was breathtaking in his crimson red dress robes. His thick eyebrows were raised with curiosity. “What are you doing up here?”

 

“Just waiting,” Nikolai said. “Linnea said she would meet me here.”

 

“Linnea Lindgren?”

 

“Yes.” Nikolai straightened. “She’s my date. But we’re only going as friends. She made that very clear when she asked me. I don’t think I would be her type, anyway,” he added, thinking of what she said at the Three Broomsticks about Esa Järvinenand the things that attracted her to him. Besides, there’s someone else for me and I’m looking at him. He kept the guilty thought to himself. “I’ll admit, though, it was nice to be considered.”

 

Viktor nodded thoughtfully. “That is good,” he said, though he seemed to be thinking about something else. Maybe his own date, Nikolai speculated. Viktor had been incredibly secretive about who he was taking to the Yule Ball. Nobody from Durmstrang knew, and it seemed nobody from Hogwarts did either. Whoever it was, she was keeping extremely tight-lipped about it as well.

 

“You look really good, Vitya,” Nikolai said cautiously. Complementing him wasn’t giving anything away, right? “Your dress robes… they suit you.”  

 

Viktor didn’t seem to notice anything. “Thank you. You are…” He hesitated. “You look good too,” he finally said, nodding slowly.

 

Nikolai turned back towards the Black Lake, concealing his embarrassment. He decided changing the subject was the best course of action. “Nice night, isn’t it?” Pathetic, he admonished himself. But in his periphery, he could see that Viktor had moved to stand beside him and was also looking out towards the lake.

 

“Beautiful,” he agreed. For a brief moment he looked as though he would say something else, but whatever it was, he decided to keep it to himself. They stood there watching the moonlight shimmer on the lake, basking in familiar, comfortable silence.

 

“Kolya.”

 

Nikolai turned his head. “Mmm?”

 

“I never thanked you properly for helping me with the dragon.”

 

“I made a mistake,” Nikolai said dismissively. “I overlooked the potential for you being in such a small space. You could have been killed. I never would have forgiven myself‒”

 

“Don’t you think like that!” Viktor cried, spontaneously gripping Nikolai’s shoulders. “The only reason I knew anything was because of you. Without you… I would have been killed for sure.”

 

“I don’t believe that,” said Nikolai. “You would have figured something out.”

 

“I’m not as smart as you, Kolya.”

 

Nikolai shook his head. “Maybe not, but you’re determined. Determined enough to win and I think you can. In fact, I knowyou can.”

 

Viktor looked at him for a long moment. There was something in his eyes that indicated he had something else to say, but he seemed to think better of it. “Well,” he said. “Thank you. For believing in me.”

 

With that he released Nikolai’s shoulders and left, descending the steps to the lower deck.

 

Nikolai swallowed down the painful lump in his throat. “I never stopped,” he said hoarsely, but Viktor was already too far away to hear.

 

***

 

Linnea Lindgren had tied her blonde hair into a tight braid, and she wore dress robes of emerald green. Of course, Nikolai had seen the dress before, but not on her, and now he could confidently say it made her look stunning. The corsage he picked also matched perfectly, and so did his necktie. He couldn’t see her shoes, but he heard their definitive clunk as she stepped up to the ship’s upper deck.

 

“Wow,” was all he could say. “Linnea, you’re beautiful.”

 

“Tack, Nikolai,” she said. She looped her arm through his. “Shall we go?”

 

They approached the entrance hall, and joined some of the other Durmstrang students, who had congregated with their dates. Nikolai couldn’t help but snicker at Järvinen’s wide-eyed stare at his former girlfriend. Luckily for him, his date Claudette was too busy conversing rapidly in French with Darya Kovaleski’s date, Emile, to even notice. Jesper Eriksen’s date, a friendly girl from Hogwarts whom he introduced as Miranda, was pointing towards where another group of students had congregated. Among them, Nikolai saw, was Viktor, arm-in-arm with a girl wearing blue dress robes.

 

“I never would have guessed Viktor Krum and Hermione Granger,” said Miranda. “I mean, I suppose I assumed she would come with Potter or Weasley, given the three of them are thick as thieves. I wonder who they – oh, they came with the Patil twins. I guess they do know Parvati quite well, being in Gryffindor and all. But gosh, Ganger scrubbed up nice. She looks stunning, don’t you think?”

 

She wasn’t wrong. Hermione looked absolutely beautiful, and Viktor couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her. Nikolai felt asmall pang of jealousy, which he quickly forced to the back of his mind, turning his attention instead to Linnea. “We should go inside,” he murmured.

 

“Yes, of course,” his date murmured back. Giving him a small smile, she allowed him to lead her inside the Great Hall.

 

***

 

Once the feast concluded, the band trooped up to the stage to commence the dancing portion of the Yule Ball. The champions and their partners entered onto the dancefloor for the first dance. The whole time, Nikolai could barely take his eyes off Viktor, who was twirling Hermione effortlessly across the floor. By comparison, Harry Potter and his partnerlooked a little clunky and it looked as though she was leading him. Cedric Diggory, much like Viktor, seemed to have complete mastery of the dance. Fleur Delacour’s partner wasn’t concentrating much on the steps, only on her, but he was holding his own. Halfway through the song, other people began to get up to dance.

 

“Shall we dance, Nikolai?” The way Linnea took his hand indicated she wasn’t about to take no for an answer. They stayed for the Weird Sisters’ more up-beat tunes and were joined by Jesper and Miranda as well as Darya and Emile.“He can’t sing very well,” Linnea commented about the lead of the Weird Sisters. “But the songs are pretty catchy.”

 

When the band took a break from singing, Nikolai, Jesper and Emile went to get butterbeers for all of them while the girls commandeered a table for them to sit at. They probably would have invited Järvinen as well, but he was far too preoccupied making out with Claudette for them to even get his attention. When the boys returned, Darya was showing Miranda a picture of her boyfriend from back home. Emile wasted almost no time in pulling a picture of his girlfriend back at Beauxbatons to show Nikolai and Jesper. Then they began to talk about the Tournament. Miranda was cheering for Cedric Diggory, since they were in the same Hogwarts house, and she believed that Harry Potter was too young and inexperienced to take out the title. Nobody believed as they had before that Potter intentionally cheated. Not after seeing what the champions had to go through against the dragons.

 

“Have any of you seen Herm-own-ninny?”

 

Nobody had noticed Viktor come up to the table. He was standing there looking concerned, a butterbeer in each hand.

 

“Hermione?” Miranda clarified. Her pronunciation of the girl’s name was so different to Viktor’s. She pronounced it ‘Her-MY-oh-nee’. “I haven’t seen her. Have you tried the Entrance Hall?”

 

“Or outside,” Jesper suggested. “Maybe she stepped out for a while.”

 

Viktor nodded thoughtfully. He lingered for a few moments before mumbling a quick ‘thanks’ and walking off.

 

“Damn, Viktor,” Darya said. “Losing your date already…”

 

Nikolai let out the breath he had been holding, trying to still his rapidly beating heart. He drained his butterbeer as the Weird Sisters began to play another song. He turned to Linnea, who had just finished her own beverage. “Let’s dance,” he said, taking her by the hand and leading her into the crowd of people on the dancefloor.

 

***

 

When talk of the Yule Ball died down, all the focus was on thesecond task of the Triwizard Tournament. Nikolai wondered if Viktor had solved the clue in the golden egg yet, but had not dared to ask. He was sure that Viktor had it all worked out. At least he hoped that was the case.

 

Nikolai had not really seen Viktor much since the ball. For his part, Viktor always seemed to be alone. Sometimes he went to the library, probably to talk to Hermione, but he never stayed long. One time, Nikolai had been coming back from lunch with Linnea when they spied Viktor diving from the Durmstrang ship into the Black Lake. Nikolai had wondered at it, but was far too busy trying to curb his reaction to seeing Viktor in nothing but his swimming trunks to really question it. “Maybe the second task involves water,” Linnea had suggested.

 

She had been right about that.

 

Viktor now faced the Black Lake with his swimming trunks on and his wand at the ready. Diggory and Delacour were there too, prepared for the challenge. Potter, on the other hand, had almost missed it completely, arriving minutes before the task was due to begin looking flustered and still wearing his robes.

 

Tournament judge and designated MC, a man by the name ofLudo Bagman, explained to the gathered spectators that the champions had an hour to recover something that had been stolen from them, something that they would miss dearly. An hour to find something at the bottom of the lake? Nikolai supposed half the challenge was working out how they would breathe. The bubble head charm seemed like the obvious choice. He wondered if Viktor would use that, or whether he had a different strategy. And what was the thing that was stolen from Viktor? The thing that Viktor held most dear was his career as Bulgaria’s seeker, and that wasn’t something tangible enough to leave at the bottom of a lake. His broomstick, perhaps, but brooms could be replaced, especially by someone with the kind of money Viktor’s career afforded him. What else did he hold dearly enough to fear losing?

 

The answer is probably staring me in the face, Nikolai mused. Or maybe I just don’t know Vitya as well as I thought I did…

 

They were only supposed to take an hour, and the only person who rose above the surface in that time was poor Fleur Delacour, who had been attacked by grindylows and required rescue, resulting in her disqualification. Diggory was the first to succeed in the challenge, but he wasn’t alone when he rose to the surface. The young woman he had escorted to the Yule Ball had risen up with him. In that moment it hit Nikolai; the challenge wasn’t to retrieve something precious, but rather someone. He didn’t take long to deduce who Viktor’s someone was. Hermione. How could it not be? A bitter pang of jealousy overcame Nikolai. He couldn’t help but wonder why couldn’t it have been me? He knew the answer to that already. Love, everyone knew, was a much stronger bond than mere friendship.

 

That’s all I’ll ever be to him. Just a friend, if even that…

 

Nikolai’s eyes stung with tears. At least now I have no reason to hold false hope.

 

When Viktor and Hermione rose to the surface, Nikolai felt Linnea’s gloved hand grasp his, squeezing tightly. Viktor had tried to transfigure himself into a shark, but hadn’t quite pulled it off. The bubblehead charm would have been easier, but at least the right part of his body had been transfigured to allow him to breathe. He shook off the shark’s head and returned to his usual self before swimming over to the grandstand.

 

Linnea stared hard at where Viktor and Hermione were being pulled from the water, a cold anger behind her hazel eyes. Anger on his behalf, Nikolai realised. But he wasn’t feelingangry or sad. In that moment he didn’t feel anything at all. His envy of Hermione had dissipated, leaving only emptiness in its wake. Sighing with resignation, Nikolai eased his hand out of Linnea’s and left without a word.  

 

***

 

Nikolai, Linnea and Jesper sat with Miranda at breakfast. A few of her other friends from Hufflepuff house joined them as well, but all seemed to be engrossed in reading the latest issue of Witch Weekly.

 

“I was going to go to Hogsmeade this afternoon to stock up on sweets,” Miranda was saying. “You guys should come with me. We can go to the Three Broomsticks for butterbeers afterwards.”

 

“I’d like that very much,” Jesper said. “What time would you like to‒”

 

“Oh, for the love of…” one of Miranda’s friends growled. “Manda, look at this.” She slid her copy of Witch Weekly in front of Miranda, who glanced at it for a moment. She rolled her eyes so far back, Nikolai wondered whether she had seen her own brain.

 

“I swear that Rita Skeeter will be the death of good journalism everywhere,” she muttered under her breath. She slid the magazine back to her friend. “Does anyone actually believethis nonsense?”

 

“Who’s Rita Skeeter?” Jesper asked.

 

“She writes for the Daily Prophet,” one of Miranda’s friends said, “and sometimes does pieces for Witch Weekly. She’s a journalist.”

 

“If you can even call her that,” Miranda grumbled. “How she hasn’t been fired for consistent libel I will never know.”

 

“Most of her articles should be taken with a grain of salt,” the friend that had passed Miranda the magazine added. “Like this one for instance. She’s accusing Hermione Granger of cheating on Harry Potter with your champion Viktor Krum.”

 

Nikolai’s heart skipped a beat. Ever since the second task he had been trying to get the image of Viktor and Hermione emerging from the Black Lake. For him it was a reminder of the fact that Viktor would never love him, a fact he had been blissfully in denial of up until that point. Accepting the reality was still proving to be a challenge, but the idea of Viktor ruining an already established relationship made it so much worse.

 

“It’s bollocks of course,” Miranda said, causing Nikolai to exhale the breath he had been holding a little too heavily. “Even if Hermione and Harry were in a relationship, which I’m pretty sure they’re not, Viktor asking her to visit Bulgaria over the summer doesn’t actually prove they’re romantically involved.”

 

“He… asked her to stay with him?” Nikolai asked weakly. It occurred to him in that moment that he and Viktor had never spent a summer break together, though they wrote to one another frequently. Viktor had come to Russia once around Christmas time and met Nikolai’s parents, but Nikolai had never been to Bulgaria. All the anger he thought he would feel during the second task came rushing at him.

 

“That’s what Skeeter is saying,” said Miranda’s friend. “Apparently, he also said he’s never felt the same way about any other girl before. It sounds like a love confession, but Skeeter has falsified quotes before. I wouldn’t be surprised if she made it up.”

 

Nikolai shook his head. He was on the verge of tears, but he held back as best he could. “She probably didn’t,” he said, pushing his hair from his sweating brow. “Even if he didn’t say those exact words, it’s pretty obvious how he feels about her.”

 

“He did take her to the ball,” Jesper said cautiously. “And she was his hostage for the second task, which means someonemust have seen something to make them think she was the best candidate.”

 

Don’t remind me, Nikolai thought. He hid his hands under the table so nobody could see them quivering. “I don’t think he would have ruined a relationship, though,” he said. “If he knew she was dating Harry Potter, he wouldn’t have pursued her. He’s not like that.”

 

“For what it’s worth, Skeeter seems to be painting him as one of the victims,” said Miranda. “She’s suggested love potion is involved.”

 

“I don’t believe that,” Linnea said firmly. Her expression was unreadable. “I seriously doubt Viktor would have gotten through the second challenge if he wasn’t fully aware and in control of his faculties. Whatever he feels for Hermione, whether it’s love, infatuation or the desire for close friendship, seems to be real, at least from where I’m sitting.”

 

“I haven’t seen him do anything too uncharacteristic,” Jesper added thoughtfully. “If he were driven by obsession, I think he would be much more overt. Anyway, Nikolai knows Viktor better than anyone here. If he says Viktor didn’t mean to break them up, then I believe it about as much as I would hearing it from Viktor’s own mouth.”

 

“Thanks, Jesper,” Nikolai whispered hoarsely. He stood up from the table, managing a smile towards Miranda. “I think I’ll give Hogsmeade a miss,” he said before excusing himself from the table.

 

***

 

Nikolai laid flat on his stomach, his arm hanging carelessly over the edge of his bunk so his knuckles rested against the wooden floor. For the past few months, he had spent a significant chunk of his time either like this or holed up in one of the darkest corners of the Hogwarts library, burying his heartbreak under a mountain of knowledge. Thankfully, talk of the Hermione-Harry-Viktor love triangle had begun to die down, replaced with the anticipation of the third and final task of the Triwizard Tournament. Not having the saga shoved in his face every five minutes had certainly made it easier.

 

“Baryshnikov.”

 

Nikolai glanced up. “Järvinen?”

 

The blonde Finnish boy was eyeing him questioningly. “Exploding Snap on the deck. You want to join?”

 

Nikolai was quite positive this was the first time Esa Järvinen had invited him to do anything. It was almost too good an opportunity to pass up. Almost. “I think I’ll‒”

 

“Before you say no, Krum’s not playing,” Järvinen interrupted.

 

Nikolai glowered at him. Was anyone ever going to talk to him without mentioning Viktor? Viktor was never going to be his, so why was Nikolai still living in his shadow? “What does that have to do with anything?” he said shortly.

 

Järvinen shrugged, unfazed. “Darya said you two were fighting.”

 

“How could we be fighting?” Nikolai snapped. “We haven’t even spoken! God, Esa, why do you have to say such stupidthings?”

 

Järvinen threw his hands up. “Okay, okay. But for what it’s worth I’m on your side. Viktor’s an idiot for not realising you’re a way better choice than that harlot, Granger‒”

 

“Get out!” Nikolai had virtually launched himself from the bunk, reaching for his wand. He started forward at Järvinen, pointing his wand directly at the Finnish boy’s neck. Järvinen’s eyes widened with fear. “Don’t you ever speak that way about him again! Do you understand?”

 

The fear disappeared from Järvinen’s eyes. He smirked. “Clearly,” he said. He reached out his hand and caressed Nikolai’s cheek with his cold fingers. “Even after everything, you still defend him,” he remarked. “Why?”

 

Nikolai lowered his wand from Järvinen’s throat. “Because I love him,” he said. “And that, Esa Järvinen, is something you’ll never understand. Now get out.”

 

Järvinen backed up the stairs out of sight. Nikolai covered his face with his hands, dropped to his knees and began sobbinguncontrollably.

 

***

 

Nikolai woke to the feeling of someone gently shaking him awake. It was still dark, save for the faint glow of the moon that shone into the barracks through the entryway. Illuminated by that faint glow was Viktor, kneeling beside Nikolai’s bunk. His fingers clasped firmly around Nikolai’s wrist.

 

“Vitya,” Nikolai whispered. “What are you doing?”

 

Viktor lifted a finger to his lips, then gestured for Nikolai to come. Against his better judgement, Nikolai allowed Viktor to lead him out of the barracks and away from the Durmstrang ship.

 

“What are we doing?” Nikolai demanded. “If Karkaroff catches us‒”

 

“He won’t,” Viktor said dismissively.

 

They walked in silence until they reached one of the forested parts of the Hogwarts grounds. Viktor turned to Nikolai.

 

“Kolya,” he said gently. “There’s something I need to tell you. I’ve… wanted to say this for a while, but I haven’t had the courage until…” He sighed outwardly. “I was attacked here tonight‒” At Nikolai’s gasp, he squeezed the wrist he was still holding. “‒by a madman. Crouch, or whatever his name is. I was only stunned, and I’m fine now, but it made me think about everything, and…”

 

His pause gave Nikolai room to interrupt. “You were attacked? Here? Does Karkaroff know? Does Dumbledore‒”

 

“Yes, yes, they know. Dumbledore helped me‒”

 

“Are you okay?” Nikolai’s hand reached for Viktor’s face, but he thought better of it. “Vitya‒”

 

“Before I was attacked, I was talking with Harry Potter,” Viktor said. “I asked him about Herm-own-ninny. I wanted to know if it was true that she was his girlfriend. He said no, they’re only friends. Everyone thinks I ruined their relationship, and I don’t care about them. But you, Kolya. I can’t even think about you hating me‒”

 

“I could never hate you, Vitya. I know you would never ruin someone else’s relationship.” Nikolai tore his gaze away as his eyes filled with tears for the umpteenth time this year. “Do you love her?” he asked.

 

“What?” Viktor asked.

 

“Hermione. Do you love her?”

 

“No,” Viktor said. He didn’t even hesitate.

 

“You don’t have to lie to me, Vitya‒”

 

“I’m not,” Viktor said. “Herm-own-ninny is a good friend. The only girl I’ve ever felt this way about. Only the second person, really. When I first met you, I felt the same way. Like you could understand me. She wasn’t like the other girls who liked me because I was famous, or like some of the girls at Durmstrang who don’t like me much at all.” The image came to Nikolai’s mind of the way Linnea looked at Viktor during the second task. “Herm-own-ninny is smart and caring and brave. Like you, Kolya.”

 

Nikolai straightened. “I see,” he said quietly. In truth, he wasn’t sure what else to say. He had gotten it all wrong. To Viktor, Hermione wasn’t a potential girlfriend. She was his new best friend. My replacement, Nikolai realised sullenly. But why would he want to replace me, when I’m still here?

 

“I solved the egg clue very early, you know,” said Viktor. I opened it on the ship, and I was so startled by the noise, I accidentally dropped it in the Black Lake.” He gave a low chuckle of embarrassment. “When I went to find it, it started singing to me. I knew the second challenge was in the water, and that I would have to be able to breathe for an hour. I knew that something would be taken from me, something I would miss, and that I would have to find it. That made me think of the things I would miss. Most of them were replaceable. But what I would miss the most could never be replaced. That’s when I realised it was probably not something I would have to find, but someone. The person in my life I would miss the most.”

 

He paused for a moment. When Nikolai looked at him, he was staring pensively into the distance. “After I asked Herm-own-ninny to the ball, everyone assumed I was in love with her.When people think of the ‘one they will miss most’, they think of the one they love, right? That’s why they chose her, I think. Their reasons made sense.” He turned his head, meeting Nikolai’s eyes. “They just chose the wrong person.”

 

“Vitya‒”

 

“I know I’ll miss Herm-own-ninny when we go back home.That’s why I asked her to visit in the summer.” Viktor rested his hand against the back of Nikolai’s neck. Even though it was warm, it sent a shiver down his spine. “But I miss youright now.”

 

Nikolai blinked away his tears. “I miss you too,” he whispered.

 

Then Viktor kissed him gently. His lips were a little chafed, but warm. The moment lasted only a second, but that second for Nikolai was pure, unadulterated bliss.

 

“I love you,” Nikolai murmured. Their foreheads rested against one another, and Nikolai could feel Viktor’s warm breath on his face. “I always have.”

 

“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” Viktor whispered. “I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid‒”

 

“None of that matters now,” Nikolai said. “We’re here. Together. And I will always be by your side Vitya. No matter what.”

 

“I’ll never leave you behind again,” Viktor vowed. “MyKolya.”

 

Nikolai threw his arms around Viktor and kissed him back with all the emotion he had been holding back. That kiss was unspoken words and unexplained feelings. It was every missed moment of comfortable silence. It was love. It was passion. It was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed x


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